I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
