you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
