Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
