one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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