The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
