Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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