Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
