i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
