omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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