boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
