I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
