The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
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she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize