It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
