The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
