I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
