I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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