eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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