I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
