Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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