I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
