Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Welp...herpes.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
