end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
her vagine was all disorganized.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need to sanitize my soul.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
