Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
