just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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