I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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