Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
