And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You are the jesus of drinking
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
