You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
