My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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