I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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