I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The struggles of a small town man whore
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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