u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
