She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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