Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
