when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
