They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
