Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
