i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
