The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
