Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
