I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
