I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
