Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
