im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
