based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
