Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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