i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
