Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
