Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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