I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
