Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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