At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
