On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
