I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
