In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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