Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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