you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
