toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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