just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
this will be a night to untag.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
