dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Someone signed my nipple.
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